Today I Was Reminded Again, That I don’t have the same life as everyone else. Not that I needed reminding.

 

 

 

How Many Momma’s out there are like WHOO HOO, SCHOOL IS STARTING!!  That has for sure been me in the past, but not this year.  I have been so nervous about my oldest son starting the 6th grade.  He is going to middle school, whaaaaat??   I am so not ready.

It seems like I just got used to elementary school and trusting those folks with my special miracle. You see, our journey has been loooong through those elementary years with so many hard bumps along the way. My oldest Son Noah has specials needs (nonverbal Autism and Phelan-Mcdermid syndrome). Trusting the Teachers and hard working Para Educators, everyone at the School, to take good care of my wobbly, nonverbal angel was something I could barely do. Even though this Momma was functioning most of the time on hardly any sleep, and I truly needed the “go to school” break, it was still so hard.  And Now…..Now that I have finally fallen in LOVE with Noah’s school, Teacher, Para educators, Therapists and Principal…we are starting all over at square one.   It’s not just square one, it’s freaking Middle School.  “The kids are big, and smelly, and can be mean.”  This is what Fear and Anxiety keep whispering in my ear.  Believe me when I say, I really want to pull up a chair and listen to them, agree with them. Heck, I want to grab coffee with them and let them remind me what all could possibly go wrong…… But you know what?       I CAN’T…because deep in my heart, although I know, and you know and we all know that Middle School can suck.  I choose to believe people are still good.  Most people are still caring and kind and loving.

I have noticed that even if you are having a hard day, sometimes just a glance at sweet Noah’s face can make you feel love. My child….I BELIEVE is here to change people and if he isn’t in middle school, then how can he spread that sweet Noah love to everyone?

I mean we all have a glorious purpose right?  Even if we think we haven’t found it yet, we all believe we have one. I believe that the Purpose IS the journey.  Noah’s life lived everyday is his purpose.  Showing up to school, excited to be there ,squealing in delight, can make anyone’s heart smile. those kids and those teachers deserve him now. I can’t be selfish and keep him at the same school all his life.  More folks are waiting to be touched by his sweet hand and changed forever.

SOOOOOOO.….. this morning when we showed up for ,”get acquainted with your new school day” I sort of lost hope for a minute, when the front desk Lady and pretty much everyone else looked at me like I was crazy for showing up….I guess they weren’t expecting the special needs kids to come. This just seems crazy to me, because if you know anyone with AUTISM, then you Know, they need more time than most to get familiar and happy with new things, people, or places.  I left with Noah holding my hand, and walked back to the car. No get acquainted for my guy.   I felt so offended, rejected and hurt.  I just kept thinking…they don’t value my SON. Why don’t they value my SON???  Maybe it’s because some people feel that my kid won’t contribute to society in the ways that the rest are expected to and part of me of course, understands that. But my Mother’s heart doesn’t get that at all.  Every human being , especially a beautiful child, should be respected, protected and loved.

So I come home and get sad and cry for a bit, actually I’m still crying a little but I’m one big emotion so it’s whatever…Then, I hear “I am God…Noah is fearfully and Wonderfully made. Be still and watch what I DO.” So I choose to trust HIM, in Jesus. I know that this will work out for Noah’s good…I feel an opportunity to talk with the Principal coming and maybe an Opportunity to have a relationship with her where I can share with her a unique insight into the lives of special needs families…This could turn out alright after all….I’m just going to be still, be grateful, and be stronger than I want to be.  This is my journey, my purpose and both are right now.

If you are nervous about a new school, or any NEW or UNKNOWN thing right now, Please sweet friend, listen closely…..”You are stronger than you know. You are more powerful when you are full of Love. You are the best when you are just being YOU. So take one step at a time and breathe, and you will see….It will all be okay ,even if it’s not.”